


See You in Hell

by MissMoe



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), First Time Bottoming, M/M, Mostly canon compliant except for dirty bits, Revenge, SOLDIERS IN LOVE, Spoilers, Top Erwin Smith, Why do I write sad stuff?, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 05:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15767109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMoe/pseuds/MissMoe
Summary: Levi is determined to fulfill his promise to Erwin.





	See You in Hell

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER ALERT: If you are not caught up to Chapter 108 in the manga or are anime-only and don’t want any spoilers, then please don’t read this. This will cover events from both AoT and ACWNR.

 

The hours slip into days and then into years. A soldier’s life is comprised of extremes: highs that reach to heaven, lows that plummet straight to hell. There is the adrenalin rush of fear pumping through your veins in the thick of battle, and then the crushing exhaustion afterwards, when you find yourself still alive and whole while your comrades are dead and scattered about in pieces. So, you gather them up, whatever pieces you can find, wrap them in cloth to be presented later to their families. There is the tedium of waiting, just waiting for the next high, the next low. You busy yourself with tasks during the day. At night, you live it all over again, hear it all over again, see it all over again. Even while you sleep, it never ends: the roar of your blood pounding inside your head, pounding inside your chest, the stabbing in your lungs as you struggle to breathe _enough_ , the screams that find you and nestle between your ears no matter how high up you are in the sky, still it finds you, reaches into your skull and fucking stays there like an unwanted guest. Is it any wonder that sleep is my enemy?

 _Erwin, you motherfucker_. My hands are in my pockets as I sit across from Zeke. All around us the giant trees stand like colossal sentinels, like arboreal titans. They are menacing in size and density and the dark, hushed gloom they cast even during the day is oppressive. Erwin always liked them for whatever reason. This stand of trees…he had used it to trap the Female Titan once, and now I’m holding the Beast Titan here. Zeke is gazing into the campfire, but my eyes are on him. I don’t trust him. I can’t wait to kill him. Inside my pocket is the amulet Erwin used to wear around his neck, just like all the other commanders. I took it off of him after I laid him to rest in the attic in Shiganshina. I let him go, my commander. If he hadn’t pulled his one arm away from me on the rooftop, I would have given him that injection. _Erwin, you motherfucker_. 

He “found” me in the Underground. Well, I let myself be found. I knew everything back then, I was such a smartass. Life was all black and white, or so I thought. I was an idiot. I was going to kill this smug bastard named Erwin Smith, buy a life on the surface for myself, for Furlan and Isabel, too, so we could finally look up and see the sun and the sky, see the moon and the stars. And then what? Would this thing called freedom follow suit? There was no freedom on the surface, only more death and destruction, more loss and loneliness. Though both of my friends were slaughtered by titans, Erwin showed me no pity, no mercy or compassion. I was on my knees, covered in blood and the most nauseating filth, my own tears shed without shame in front of a man I wanted to destroy with my bare hands. He had put me on my knees before, let Mike push my face into the sewage of the Underground, and now I was back on my knees in front of Erwin again, as impotent as the first time and even more wrecked. Though I had just singlehandedly dismembered a titan—made mincemeat out of it with my blades—I had never felt so weak, so utterly defeated when he told me that he knew I had intended to kill him. My whole life was without purpose. I had nothing; my friends were dead. _I_ wanted to die. Just fucking die! And all Erwin did was shove my own vomit back down my throat. There was no room for regret he told me. _Get off your sorry ass, Levi_. He turned his back on me, rode off into the sunset on his white horse and that’s when I knew. That’s when my heart stopped beating. He killed me, killed me in every way so he could bring me back to life.

 _Erwin, you motherfucker_. Did he know then what he would do to me? Did he know I would follow him, fall for him, die for him? Did he know he would carve himself into my soul when he kissed me, held me in his arms and knocked the breath out of me? No one had ever shown me _that_. I didn’t question it, the things that we did. A soldier’s life is unpredictable at best and each day could be the last, so when he kissed me the first time, it felt rather foolish to say “no.” When he kissed me the second time, I said “yes.” When he kissed me the third time, I said “more.” I was so eager for him I didn’t even flinch when he put me on my back and spread my legs. I didn’t know what to expect—I’d never let a man inside me before—and I admit the pain took me by surprise at first. When he pushed into me it hurt like hell and I couldn’t stop from screaming. I bit into his shoulder so hard I tasted blood.

“Relax, Levi,” he told me, “it’ll feel good if you relax.”

I stopped mouthing his shoulder to protest, “How is this supposed to feel good? Fuck! You’re too big, goddamn it! Get out of me!”

“Shhh, baby,” he whispered, “open up for me. Let me in.” Then he leaned forward and slid his cock even deeper inside.

“Oh, god, Erwin…you motherfucker…I can’t…I can’t…” I tried to push him off me, but he was so hot and heavy and nibbling on my ear and despite the burning stretch of penetration another sensation was starting to take hold of me, a maddening ache that rolled through me with every slow thrust of his cock. He rocked his hips into me, carrying me along on a wave that rose higher and higher, and when his balls brushed against my ass cheeks with an obscene wet slap, I thought I would burst. I was panting his name and gasping for air, my legs wrapped around his slim waist as he drove his cock into me in a steady rhythm. I felt him reach beneath me and lift my hips off the bed with one hand; he wrapped his other hand around my cock and began stroking me from root to crown, twisting and squeezing up and down my shaft until I was out of my mind, my body shaking beneath him as I came into his hand and all over my chest. It was so dirty and disgusting and then I heard him grunt loudly above me as his hips stuttered and then his body went rigid. I could feel his cock twitching inside me as he emptied himself with several hard thrusts and all I could think in the fog of orgasmic lust was that sex really was like death. “I would die for you,” I cried. And he kissed me like he loved me.

He kissed me many times like he loved me, but I was the one who told him that horrible day in Shiganshina, when practically all hope for escape was lost, to give up on his pathetic, selfish dream to reach that basement and fucking die, to bring the recruits with him to hell and I would follow him there after I killed the Beast Titan. I failed. Erwin did what I urged him to do: he led the charge and was mortally wounded, but I failed to kill the Beast Titan. I could have saved him—my love, my commander—but I gave him up. I let him die. Hadn’t he earned his rest? To be brought back into this shitty world…he didn’t deserve that kind of punishment. He had been tortured enough already. Losing Erwin was even more painful than losing Furlan and Isabel, more painful than learning the truth about Kenny. To be left behind…to go on living when the ones you love have crossed over to death…to be so alone and abandoned...

I rub my thumb over the smooth surface of the amulet in my pocket, the promise I made to Erwin those years ago burning a hole in my head. I told Erwin I would kill the Beast Titan and follow Erwin to hell. Two times I’ve battled the Beast Titan, two times Zeke Jaeger has escaped alive. I don’t know what he and Eren have in mind, but I’ll kill both of them if I have to and I don’t give a shit what happens to me as long as I can fulfill my promise. Even if I have to defy Hange or Pixis, I’ll do it. Even if I end up the devil of humanity, I’ll do it. I’ve waited a long time, I’ve been patient, but every day I’ve endured without Erwin has been a life half-lived. My Uncle Kenny told me that we all have to be drunk on something in order to live, we all need a reason, a purpose to keep going. _I’m coming to you soon, Erwin. I made you a promise. I’ll see you in hell_.

***

[This fic was inspired by Adele’s song, [Set Fire to the Rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93dCIYaB4Os) and is sort of a follow-up to my other one-shot “Late Night Musings.”]

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 109 hasn’t come out yet, but I’m really looking forward to what transpires between Levi and Zeke. Will Isayama let Levi kill Zeke eventually so Levi can have closure and satisfaction? I hope so.


End file.
